Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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