I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i think my cat just said my name.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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