I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
