I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
