handjob tips. give me some.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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