Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
