we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
