So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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