i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
All the doctor said was why
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
