I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
