Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
