Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
