She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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