Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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