I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
