I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
