I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
