They should really pass out barf bags in church
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
