I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
