Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
