The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
