you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
