return my video game
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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