i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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