either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
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