I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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