Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
