I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
