Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me