he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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