how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
