he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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