Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
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I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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