If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
