Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize