I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
