we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
