i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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