Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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