I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
