I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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