they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
