just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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