Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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