She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
