I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
