You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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