He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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