remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
