drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
