Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
