Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
