I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The feeling are messing with the penis
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
