walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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