possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
