I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
