You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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