is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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