Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Randomize
