Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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