My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
