What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
