So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He better not be in your backpack
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
