thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
