people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Mom said you looked used
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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