we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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