I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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