I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
