my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
