I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
