Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
