before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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