I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
