she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
