i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
