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I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I see more hoeing in ur future
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