This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
