i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What a dumb baby whore.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
