i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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