Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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