I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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