I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
