...so i touched it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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