make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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