the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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