yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
