Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
