Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize