I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
