i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
