it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
