Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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