You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
